


Viridian Trees, Golden Eyes

by wickedaxl



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bokuto is the personification of sunshine, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, It gets better I promise, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Therapy, depressed/anxious akaashi, finding a reason to keep going, kenma is akaashis best friend, psych unit, will probably add more tags as this progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:01:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29992884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedaxl/pseuds/wickedaxl
Summary: Sitting in the backseat, Akaashi had a moment to reflect on his life. A moment to think about every decision that led him to this point. The streetlights that passed by filled him with warmth. A fleeting feeling of finally being able to run away from everything. Akaashi knew that was far from the truth, he was about to enter a place that would restrict most of his freedom. At that moment, however, he allowed himself to feel free. To feel almost as distant as he did sitting on that cliff. He embraced every second he could, knowing that soon he would lose it again.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. December 8th

Akaashi was calm sitting in the waiting room. This had been his decision, in the end, no force necessary. December 8th. He had originally thought he could hold out till winter break, but at that point, he had already missed two weeks of school. It had been coming, unavoidably, and Akaashi knew. He would rather have willingly walked in than be dragged. Admittedly though, he was tired. Not just emotionally and mentally, but physically considering it was two in the morning. It felt like years had gone by before a nurse finally walked in.

“Akaashi, Keiji?” 

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Ah well good evening! I apologize for the wait; what brings you in tonight?”

Akaashi held his breath for a moment. He knew there was no going back, he was already here. Yet still, he couldn’t calm the nerves that rushed through his body. He visibly shook.

“I wanted to check myself into the psychiatric unit.”

The nurse barely looked up from the clipboard she was writing on, only nodding her head when Akaashi spoke.

“Have you ever been admitted before, either here or in another hospital?”

“No, this is the first time.”

“Alright, well I’m going to need you to fill out these papers here. Please be as honest as possible, your information will not be shared with anyone other than the doctors and assigned nurses.”

The nurse handed another clipboard to Akaashi and smiled reassuringly as she left the room. Akaashi stared down at the papers in front of him. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting honestly, but a bunch of paperwork wasn’t it. The first page simply asked about his personal information. The next was the Psychiatric Intake Form. It contained a checklist of current symptoms that Akaashi was supposed to identify for the doctor. Depressed mood, unable to enjoy activities, sleep pattern disturbance, loss of interest, change in appetite, racing thoughts, impulsivity, increased risky behavior, increased irritability, crying spells, excessive worry, and anxiety attacks. Akaashi checked all of these off. He hadn’t fully realized how much he had been dealing with until it was laid out in front of him. The next part was titled ‘Suicide Risk Assessment’. Akaashi stared at the words. In that split moment, he was pulled from reality and into a memory. 

It was misty out, and he could see the forest of trees spread out below him. He was at peace at that moment, feeling the cool breeze graze his skin. The only sounds heard were the slight breeze racing through the trees below, and somewhere in the distance, rain. This was his safe place. A place he frequented when things got too overwhelming. On the edge of that cliff, he didn’t have to think; didn’t have to worry about anything. He could simply be. 

The sound of a door pulled Akaashi back to reality. Startled, he looked up and saw the nurse coming back into the room.

“So luckily, we do have a spot available for you. Have you finished filling the form out yet?”

Akaashi shook his head. He hadn’t even gotten halfway through before he was dragged out of reality. The nurse smiled at him anyway.

“That’s alright hun, you can finish filling it out upstairs. Come on.”

Akaashi stood up as the nurse beckoned him out of the room. Outside the door, there stood another nurse; a larger man. He was holding a wheelchair in front of him. 

“It’s policy that we take you up to the unit in the wheelchair, so please sit down.”

Akaashi was skeptical but sat anyway. The male nurse then strapped a buckle across his lap and asked if he was ready. Hesitantly, Akaashi nodded, and with that, they started down the hallway.


	2. The First Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RECAP:
> 
> “So luckily, we do have a spot available for you. Have you finished filling the form out yet?”
> 
> Akaashi shook his head. He hadn’t even gotten halfway through before he was dragged out of reality. The nurse smiled at him anyway.
> 
> “That’s alright hun, you can finish filling it out upstairs. Come on.”
> 
> Akaashi stood up as the nurse beckoned him out of the room. Outside the door, there stood another nurse; a larger man. He was holding a wheelchair in front of him. 
> 
> “It’s policy that we take you up to the unit in the wheelchair, so please sit down.”
> 
> Akaashi was skeptical but sat anyway. The male nurse then strapped a buckle across his lap and asked if he was ready. Hesitantly, Akaashi nodded, and with that, they started down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story may seem a bit slow at first, but it will pick up soon I promise. Also, this definitely isn't how actual patient intake goes, I've just simplified it for the sake of the story. I will also be using the 24-hour clock for labeling times.
> 
> For the text messages later in the chapter: Akaashi's are in plain text, and whoever is responding is in bold.
> 
> Hope you enjoy xx

The elevator doors opened on the third floor. Akaashi looked around as the male nurse began pushing the wheelchair again. Hospitals had always made Akaashi a bit uncomfortable, everything was so impersonal. The walls were white, and the floor was a mix of white, blue, and orange tiles; seemingly following the hospital’s emblem colors. When the nurse turned them to the right down the hall, Akaashi was met with two giant doors. A blue butterfly was painted across both of them, the doors meeting right down the center of its body. Akaashi watched as the nurse leaned forward and scanned his ID across a device on the wall. There was a beep and the doors opened slowly. 

It was almost like entering a completely different world going beyond those doors. The walls inside were painted to look as if trees lined the hallway. The ceiling was painted to mimic a clear blue sky. This surprised Akaashi; he had been ready for blander walls, a more surgical vibe, and a general sense of despair as all the movies had usually shown. This was almost the complete opposite. The nurse parked him right outside a room labeled ‘Intake’ and undid the buckle from his lap.

“Alright, so for now we have to ask you to change into this hospital gown. We need to do a quick physical exam just to be sure you’re good to go for the night. Also, certain items just aren’t allowed in the unit; such as jewelry, shoelaces, and hoodie strings. For tonight we’ll have you stay in the hospital gown and tomorrow during phone calls you should call someone and see if they can bring you clothes that meet those standards; maybe even some books if you want to keep you occupied. Just don’t let them be of the depressing kind, that would kind of defeat the purpose of you being here wouldn’t it?”

The nurse smiled down at Akaashi and held out a gown for him. He hadn’t thought about not being able to have something as simple as his shoelaces, but he understood why. Anything someone could potentially use to hurt themselves was not allowed on the floor. Akaashi stood up and took the gown.

“You can finish filling out the forms in there. One of the unit nurses should drop by in a few minutes to complete the physical, and then you’ll be assigned a room.”

Akaashi smiled at the nurse and muttered a small “thank you.”, to which the nurse smiled back at him.

“You came here by your own choice, and that takes a lot. You may be nervous right now, but I promise you’ll get the best treatment here. Good luck kid.”

With that, the nurse took the wheelchair and walked out through those same butterfly doors. It did make Akaashi feel better to hear those words; to be reminded that this had been his choice. His choice to get better. With that, he turned and walked into the room to change and finish filling out the forms.

-

Akaashi sat in the gown on the exam table. He had finished filling out the forms and was simply waiting for the unit nurse to show up. This gave him time to think. He hadn’t even told his parents that he decided to do this, he just left in the middle of the night and took a cab. Not that they would have noticed anyway, they were both traveling constantly for work. Perhaps that is part of the reason he had so easily fallen into this hole in the first place. Nobody had been there to keep tabs on him and make sure he was okay. That was somewhat of a lie, Akaashi knew, he did have one person that looked out for him. His best friend Kenma had always been there. He realized he should probably fill him in on what’s going on. Akaashi took his phone out from where his pants laid and opened up Kenma’s contact.

3:13 - “hey, are you awake?”

**3:14 - “you know I always am. what’s up?”**

For some reason, Akaashi felt nervous. It wasn’t like Kenma didn’t know Akaashi had been struggling; in fact, he had asked him to get help multiple times over the past year. Yet still, it was nerve-wracking to finally be here.

3:16 - “I’m at the hospital. I checked myself into the psych unit, just thought I should let you know.”

He held his breath as he waited for a response. Even though it had been obvious to Kenma that Akaashi had gotten significantly worse in this past week alone, he still hadn’t given any indication that he had decided to finally do something about it. Hadn’t even told  _ him _ .

**3:17 - “really? that’s great Akaashi, I’m glad you finally made a move to do something.”**

Akaashi released the breath he had been holding. Of course Kenma had reacted like this, Akaashi had just let his brain overthink things as usual. Constantly in fight or flight mode, it was tiring. The next message to come in though made Akaashi’s heart start pounding. 

**3:17 - “did you tell him?”**

He knew Kenma would ask, but still, he hoped it would be avoided. Anyone normal would tell their boyfriend what was going on in their life, but Akaashi’s relationship was different. In fact, it was part of the problem. Akaashi knew this, and yet still, he couldn’t let him go. They had been together through everything so far, best friends before they even started dating. It hadn’t always been bad, in fact, Akaashi still considers it one of the best things to ever happen to him. In reality, Akaashi simply couldn’t see how toxic it all was. This relationship was the main reason he was drowning, it was obvious to everyone; especially Kenma who told him all the time and tried to get him to end it on more than one occasion. Akaashi couldn’t see it, however. He knew he was drowning, but the water blurred his vision, and every time he thought he would finally go under,  _ he _ had been there. Tsukishima Kei. His Kei. Tsukishima would momentarily pull him out of the water and breathe life into him again, before dropping him back in. That was enough for Akaashi; enough to keep him holding on. After all, he hadn’t felt like he deserved more anyway. 

3:20 - “no I haven’t yet. I guess I was kind of avoiding it.” 

**3:21 - “it amazes me how you still can’t see how much of a problem that is. I hate it, and him.”**

3:22 - “I know you do. I’ll tell him now.”

Akaashi exited out of the chat with Kenma and proceeded to open Tsukishimas contact. He hesitated for a moment but typed out the text anyway.

3:24 - “hey, not sure if you’re awake, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m at the hospital.”

The reply came in almost immediately, much to Akaashi’s surprise.

**3:24 - “why what happened?”**

3:25 - “I decided to check myself into the psych unit. I think it finally just got to the point where I knew I needed help.”

**3:26 - “oh alright, that’s good I guess.”**

Tsukishima had never been a man of many words, Akaashi knew this, but still, he hoped he would have said more at that moment. Before he could reply, he finally heard the door open. In stepped another nurse; a man who looked like he was ready to go to sleep if given the opportunity. He looked at Akaashi and smiled.

“Hi! Akaashi Keiji, correct?”

Akaashi stayed silent and simply nodded his head, setting his phone down next to him to give the nurse his full attention.

“I’m so sorry you’ve been waiting in here for so long, we’re a bit short-staffed tonight and had some trouble with one of our patients that had to be dealt with. My name is Tamura Joji, I’m actually one of the morning shift nurses but I filled in for a coworker tonight. The other nurse filled me in a bit, this is your first time in a psych unit then?”

The nurse, Tamura, was nice enough it seemed. Something about him also made Akaashi feel more comfortable. He had life in his personality and a certain sincerity to him, which made Akaashi comfortable enough to speak up.

“Yes, it is. I decided to check myself in, though admittedly I probably should have done this sooner.”

Akaashi started playing with his fingers, feeling a bit self-conscious about sharing his information. Tamura noticed.

“Well you should still be proud of yourself for doing this, it takes a lot of courage to admit when you need help. Now, let's complete a quick physical so we can get you to bed for the night.”

The physical was quick, as Tamura had promised, and he collected the forms Akaashi had finished up earlier. Tamura asked a few more questions to complete Akaashi’s personal file, and then he was done.

“Alright, you’re officially checked in as a patient. From this point on we need to take your personal items; I promise we’ll keep them safe and locked in the nurse's office until you can have someone come pick them up. For tonight, you’ll have to sleep in the hospital gown. And we also don’t allow patients to have phones on the unit. We want you to be able to focus on your own recovery, and with the internet nowadays it's too easy to access potentially harmful media, which we want to avoid.”

Akaashi hadn’t realized his phone would be taken from him, but with that explanation, he could understand why this hospital did that. 

“Could I take a second to let my boyfriend know please?”

Tamura smiled and nodded. Akaashi picked up his phone again and opened up Tsukishima’s text.

3:35 - “I won't be allowed to have my phone during my stay here, so I won’t be able to text you.”

**3:35 - “alright, good luck in there.”**

3:36 - “thanks. I love you.”

Akaashi waited a moment for Tsukishima's reply. It never came. He sighed and handed his phone over with his clothes to Tamura. Tamura put them neatly in a plastic hospital bag and wrote Akaashi’s name on it.

“Alright, come with me and I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping tonight. We’re actually technically a little over capacity, so for tonight you’ll be sleeping on a futon; I hope that’ll be alright for now. A bed should open up either tomorrow or the next day as we have people check out of here.”

Akaashi simply nodded again and stood up when Tamura opened the door. They turned left outside of the room and walked down a small hallway. Akaashi saw another nurse sitting outside the rooms in a small swivel chair. The nurse turned and gave him a small wave, which he returned. He continued to follow Tamura until they stopped outside of a room labeled ‘5’. Tamura opened the door quietly and whispered to Akaashi that the futon was against the wall under the window. Akaashi nodded again, and with that Tamura closed the door behind him and left.

Akaashi looked around the room as best he could in the dark. He could see two actual beds in there, both occupied by sleeping bodies. There were two desks next to each, and also two cabinets. On the other side, there was an opening to a small room, which Akaashi realized was the bathroom. There was no actual door to it, only a curtain separated it from the main room. Akaashi walked towards where the futon laid against the wall. He crawled in under the blanket that had been left there for him. In the dark silence of the room, Akaashi had time to actually process everything. There was no going back at this point; he checked himself in for treatment, and he was going to get it. This should have been good news, but for some reason, Akaashi felt sadder than he had that entire day. He laid there for a little bit longer waiting for sleep to come. Right before his eyes finally shut, he cried.

  
  



	3. Diagnosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RECAP:
> 
> Akaashi looked around the room as best he could in the dark. He could see two actual beds in there, both occupied by sleeping bodies. There were two desks next to each, and also two cabinets. On the other side, there was an opening to a small room, which Akaashi realized was the bathroom. There was no actual door to it, only a curtain separated it from the main room. Akaashi walked towards where the futon laid against the wall. He crawled in under the blanket that had been left there for him. In the dark silence of the room, Akaashi had time to actually think about where he was. There was no going back at this point; he checked himself in for treatment, and he was going to get it. This should have been good news, but for some reason, Akaashi felt sadder than he had that entire day. He laid there for a little bit longer waiting for sleep to come. Right before his eyes finally shut, he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just wanted to make it clear that the section in parenthesis and italics is a memory.  
> I also apologize for not having specific upload days, but I do hope that whoever reads this story enjoys it :) I have a feeling it will be a long one

Bright light and the sounds of people woke Akaashi up. Slowly opening his eyes, he had almost forgotten where he was. He slowly sat up in the futon and looked around, his eyes landing on a boy sitting on top of one of the beds. The boy looked up from the book he was reading and looked nervous before finally producing a small smile.

“Uh hi, you’re finally awake.”

Akaashi stared back at him. He didn’t always do well with new people, his nerves always got the better of him. He decided it would be rude to leave the boy completely hanging, so he nodded.

Akaashi turned and looked out the window. In the daylight, he could see that these windows had bars on them, unlike the others around the hospital. The sight of them didn’t make him feel like a prisoner, as it would have for some. Instead, it made Akaashi feel safe. He turned around again when he heard the door open. In walked a man wearing glasses and a white coat, carrying a clipboard with him; Akaashi realized this was probably a doctor.

“Ah good morning Akaashi! My name is Dr. Takeda, I’m going to be your assigned doctor during your stay here- oh, hello Goshiki, I didn’t notice you when I first walked in.”

The boy on the bed looked up at the doctor and muttered a small ‘hi’ before returning his attention to his book. 

“Right, well then Akaashi if you could please follow me; we need to complete an initial assessment and I’ll allow you to use the office phone so you can contact your family.”

Akaashi stood up and followed Dr. Takeda out of the room. Once he walked out he noticed that right outside his room was a general hang-out area for the patients, complete with some couches and tables and a TV against the wall. There were some shelves lined next to it with some books and a couple of board games. The walls and ceilings were painted the same as the hallway, with trees and a blue sky. Akaashi also took note of the 12 other teenagers hanging out there. Akaashi knew they had to be patients of the unit like him, yet many of them actually looked like they were enjoying themselves. It felt strange, Akaashi had assumed the energy of the unit would be a bit more depressing. He followed Dr. Takeda down the hallway he had originally come in through, and then they turned into a room across from the ‘Intake’ room Akaashi had been in last night. 

Inside there were a couple of couches facing each other, and a large desk against the wall that had a computer placed on it, along with some scattered paperwork. Akaashi noticed two windows on the wall and stared out of them. It seemed to be a beautiful day outside with clear skies and the sun shining brightly. Akaashi could even tell there was a breeze based on the way the trees swayed. Everything about today seemed beautiful and happy. So then, why did Akaashi feel so empty?

“Please take a seat anywhere you’d like! If you’d like a blanket please don’t hesitate to ask; I know it gets cold in here and you still don’t have any proper clothes yet.”

Dr. Takeda moved past Akaashi after closing the door and sat in one of the couches. Akaashi decided to sit on the couch opposite him. The nerves came back and he started playing with his hands in his lap, unsure of what to say.

“I understand that you may be nervous right now, but I do hope that you talk to me about what brought you here. Looking at your chart right now is a bit concerning, and I want to be able to help you through as much of this as I can. That’s going to require that you be completely honest with me though.”

Akaashi listened and considered his words. He knew the doctor was right, he was going to have to open up if he wanted help. He had gotten this far, he could push himself a bit more. Besides, Akaashi contemplated, these are complete strangers with no ties to his life outside of this hospital. The thought comforted him a bit. It would be easier to be honest with strangers rather than people he was close to. People he had to deal with every day. Akaashi took a deep breath and decided that he was going to do this, all the way.

“I understand. What do I have to do?”

Dr. Takeda let out a breath and smiled, genuine and bright. He set down the clipboard he had been holding next to him on the couch and clapped his hands on his knees, sitting up straight.

“Well Akaashi, let’s just start with the most basic thing. What exactly brought you here?”

A million thoughts ran through his head at that moment; most from the past year alone, but some that went as far back as his childhood. Where to start?

“Well, I guess I could just say I was sad but that wouldn’t make sense. If it was just because of that then maybe I would have come here a long time ago. A few days before this actually, I went to one of my favorite spots; it’s on the mountainside and I get to look over the forest. I go there usually to calm down and just be alone but the other day felt different. That day I stood there looking over the forest and instead of calming down, I realized I could just jump. I could jump off the cliff right down into the forest below, and I would never again have to deal with the things that took me there in the first place. It wasn’t like that was the first time I had thoughts like that, but I realized it was the first time I meant it.”

Akaashi looked up from where he was messing with his hands in his lap and locked eyes with Dr. Takeda. He had expected him to look more taken aback, shocked maybe, but Dr. Takeda just looked back at him. Finally, he offered a soft smile to Akaashi and spoke.

“I’m glad that you recognized that. You recognized it for what it was and stepped back. That’s good Akaashi. And thank you for being transparent with me, that’s going to be really helpful in your recovery.”

Akaashi smiled at Dr. Takeda. This was good, this felt good, finally being honest with somebody. Of course, there was still a hole in his chest that made it feel like he couldn’t breathe at times, but in just this one moment of honesty Akaashi already felt a weight lifted off. He hoped he would not remain stagnant, and hopefully, more weight would come off soon. Dr. Takeda went to speak again.

“Alright, now that we have that out of the way, I’d like to conduct a little screening. I do believe that you are suffering from depression based on what I already know, but if there’s anything else then we should be able to identify it through this. You just have to answer a series of questions honestly and then I will look over them and tell you what I gather, ok?”

Akaashi nodded immediately. He was curious himself as to what was wrong, and it would be nice to have a label to describe what he was feeling.

“Excellent! Let’s get started.”

-

Depression, anxiety, and insomnia. The screening hadn’t taken long, and Akaashi was now sitting in the general area of the unit in front of a nurse who was taking his breakfast order. He had been allowed to use the phone in Dr. Takeda’s office, but instead of calling Kenma as he had originally planned, he had to call his parents to let them know what was going on. After all, he was still only 17, a minor. The hospital had admitted him without his parents there to sign off; they weren’t going to turn away a kid who needed help. If his parents didn’t want him to stay there though, they would check him out. Akaashi didn’t want that. He wanted to stay in the hospital and work on the issues plaguing his life. He knew if he were to leave now that he would never get the help he needed.

It came as a bit of a surprise to Akaashi the way his parents reacted when they picked up the phone. His mom started crying and his dad asked a million questions; how long had he been feeling like this? Was he hurt? How long would he be staying there? Was it their fault as parents?

Akaashi did his best to answer all of them but it felt a bit overwhelming. It wasn’t like Akaashi didn’t know his parents cared about him, but they never had the closest relationship and it always felt like there was a bit of distance between them. Still even as he was beginning to feel overwhelmed, he also felt loved at that moment. They told him they would make sure to get home immediately to grab some things for him and bring them in time for visiting hours tonight. Akaashi listed off everything he would need, making sure his parents knew about the unit rules (no shoelaces, etc.). 

It had been a few hours since then and now having finished giving his breakfast order Akaashi sat by himself on one of the general area couches. He was yet again messing with his hands in his lap, a habit he developed when his anxiety would rise. Since he had some time to himself right now, Akaashi’s mind drew him into his thoughts. Into his memories…

_ (Akaashi was holding his stomach after laughing so hard. With tears rolling down his face, he shoved Kei who laid next to him. _

_ “Kei that is so bad you can’t say stuff like that!” _

_ “You seem to find it hilarious though. Besides, I like seeing you laugh.” _

_ Akaashi calmed down after that and turned his head to look at him. Laying on the bed next to him, Kei was already looking at Akaashi. It had been the last day of school and summer break officially started. Seeing as they went to different schools after middle school, the two hadn’t seen each other as much, so they decided to have a sleepover at Kei’s. Akaashi smiled at him and rolled his eyes. _

_ “You keep saying that.” _

_ He didn’t want to admit to Kei that hearing him say things like that made his stomach twist and heart flutter just a little bit. He was scared of ruining the close friendship they had developed. They had been friends since they first met in their second year of middle school. Akaashi knew without a doubt that Kenma was his best friend above all the rest, but something about Kei felt special, and so Akaashi held this relationship with the boy close to his heart. _

_ “Can I tell you something?” _

_ Akaashi looked back at Kei and waited a second before responding. _

_ “Yeah, anything.” _

_ It was quiet for a minute after that, Kei looked like he was debating whether he actually wanted to say something or not. Akaashi stayed silent to let him decide. After a moment, Kei chuckled. _

_ “Well the other night I had a dream and you were there actually. We were on a boat headed off to sea somewhere and everything felt really peaceful...” _

_ Kei drifted off that last sentence for a minute. Akaashi knew what he was thinking; Kei was no stranger to nightmares and had been having them quite frequently lately, so a peaceful dream felt a bit odd. Akaashi stayed silent to let him continue. _

_ “... I’m not exactly sure what else happened in the middle, but towards the end, we were both looking out into the sea. You grabbed my hand at some point and smiled at me, and I- I uh-” _

_ Akaashi noticed Kei get a bit uncomfortable describing the end of his dream. Assuming the worst, Akaashi reached for his hand now that had been resting between them. He gave Kei’s hand a gentle squeeze and nodded for him to continue. Kei took a deep breath and looked Akaashi in the eyes before he finally said it. _

_ “You smiled at me, and I kissed you.” _

_ Akaashi’s eyes went wide and his mouth went dry. It wasn’t a bad reaction, completely the opposite. Akaashi had developed feelings for Kei beyond friendship a while ago. At the time though, he felt that Kei would only ever see him as a friend, and if that were the case then he’d rather have friendship over nothing, so he had remained silent about his true feelings. This new information sent Akaashi’s mind into a whirl though. Maybe, it seemed, just maybe he actually had a chance with the boy who held his fragile heart. _

_ “That was weird, I shouldn’t have said anything sorry-” _

_ Kei moved his hand from Akaashi’s and went to sit up. Akaashi had stayed silent, staring at Kei for a bit too long making him think this was a negative reaction. He quickly grabbed his hand again and leaned up on his elbow. _

_ “No, no! Uh, I’m sorry I was just a little shocked, I’m not upset or anything; promise.” _

_ Kei looked at him and scanned his eyes for any sign of discomfort or dishonesty. When he saw none, he laid back down on the bed along with Akaashi. Though they continued to lay there in silence, their hands stayed together, holding each other like they were both scared of the other letting go. After a few minutes in the silence, Akaashi felt like he should say something. _

_ “So was I at least a good kisser?” _

_ Kei scoffed, but Akaashi could see the blush on his cheeks. _

_ “Shutup Keiji.” _

_ Akaashi laughed a bit at the expected answer. He closed his eyes and decided to just lay there in the silence after that. And even though Kei’s answer had been curt, he turned his head to look at Akaashi laying there and smiled.) _

Akaashi was brought back to reality when someone tapped on his shoulder. He jumped at the unexpected contact and quickly looked to see where it came from.

“Oh uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. You just looked really zoned out there and I was wondering if you were okay.”

Akaashi looked behind him and saw the boy that was sat on the bed earlier this morning. He looked a bit past him at the clock on the wall to read the time. Damn, had he really been in his head for the past 30 minutes? He sighed, it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it. He looked back at the boy and did his best to conceal his nerves as he spoke.

“It’s fine, I’m fine, thank you um- I’m sorry I don’t remember your name.”

“Right sorry, I’m Goshiki Tsutomu. You’re Akaashi, right? I remember Dr. Takeda saying it this morning.”

Goshiki moved from behind the couch to sit on the opposite end from Akaashi. He drew his legs up to sit crisscrossed on the cushion. Akaashi wasn’t the best at keeping up a conversation with strangers, so he just nodded and looked ahead.

“How was your first night? I remember being nervous as hell during mine, being in a new place, surrounded by people I didn’t know, all for getting help for my stupid problems.”

Goshiki was light with his words, none of them seemed to weigh him down in any way. Akaashi thought that the people in here would be sadder and more introverted, but Goshiki seemed so nonchalant about being here.

“It was alright I guess. I’m supposed to get a real bed tonight.”

Akaashi didn’t want to tell this random kid that he actually cried himself to sleep, but still, Goshiki seemed decent enough to at least talk to.

“Oh yeah, there’s like three people checking out today. The average stay at this place is only like 4 or 5 days anyway, so people come and go fairly quickly.”

“Really? How long have you been here already?”

“Me? Well as of now it’s only been two days, but this isn’t my first time here so that’s why I’m already pretty comfortable. I’m familiar with how it all works already. What about you, have you been here before? I’m gonna guess you haven’t but I figured I’d ask anyway.”

Akaashi was a little shocked. This hadn’t been his first time here? Were his problems that bad that he had to come back? Did that mean Akaashi’s problems wouldn’t be solved with just one stay? Akaashi’s mind went into overdrive as it did when he got anxious, and Goshiki seemed to pick up on it.

“Woah hey calm down, breathe. I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything, I didn’t mean to pry I’m sorry. I just figured that we’re all here together anyway so it wouldn’t hurt to make some friends during the stay.”

Akaashi listened and started taking deeper breaths. He fought his thoughts into submission as he so often had to do and then turned back to Goshiki.

“Sorry I just get overwhelmed sometimes, my brain doesn’t shut up. This is my first time being in a place like this actually.”

“Ah well don’t worry, the staff here is really good and they try everything they can to help. We do group therapy sessions every day and if you’re lucky they might even bring the therapy dogs in and then we get to just lay around with a bunch of cute pups. It’s not as bad as you may think it is.” 

“Group therapy?”

“Yeah, they divide us into two groups with one consisting of the younger kids and the other with the older kids, which we would be a part of, and we just have a big therapy session together.”

Akaashi was a bit confused, he only knew therapy as the one-on-one kind, with the plain therapist in one chair and the patient lying across a long couch talking about their feelings.

“Does that actually help?”

Goshiki looked like he almost got a little happier at the question and began nodding his head rapidly.

“Oh yeah! It’s actually really refreshing because, well, look at it this way right? All of us that are in here right now are suffering, and we think that we’re doing it all alone and nobody could possibly understand what we’re going through. But the thing is, no matter the diagnosis, we’re all here to get help in the end. Besides, I’ve learned that people who end up here actually have a lot in common. None of us may have gone exactly through the same scenarios in life, but pretty often we end up relating to each other in some way, and honestly? It makes you feel less alone.”

Akaashi took in what Goshiki said. The mention of group therapy had made Akaashi a little tense; he didn’t want to spill his deepest darkest fears to a whole group of strangers at once. But the way Goshiki described it, it sounded kind of nice.

Suddenly, a buzzing sound was heard and Akaashi turned around to see a couple of nurses rolling in a large metal box on wheels. Turns out it was time for breakfast, and that box was carrying everyone’s orders. The nurses called on people one by one to come pick up their box, and then they were permitted to eat anywhere around the general area. Goshiki sat with Akaashi again, at a table this time, and they continued to talk while they ate their meals.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I kept this first chapter short just to start off, but the chapters to come will be longer. This really came out of nowhere, I just felt like writing today.


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